Break The Fourth Wall!
by Doggie Paddle
Summary: "I always have to do this part in most fanfiction, this is the part where we call you weak and kick you out of Team Natsu and replace you with Lisanna. The twist is, she's replacing you as the main character. Oh, and for your information, we're still calling it Team Natsu" Crackfic.
1. I'm so Sorry

**Break The Fourth Wall!**

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**A/N: **This story wasn't made to insult anyone and let this be a warning, if you take things seriously easily then stop reading now because this is a crackfic and taking it seriously may hurt yourself. And this story may parody of the Lisanna comes back from Edolas and Lucy is called weak type of stories. I only did this because I sort of found the number of these type of fics are turning a little silly. But I really like them because all of them have a unique turn once Lucy is kicked out. I really love the amazing things authors write about how Lucy retaliates in her own way.

**Warning: **Some language. OOC. Ranting. Randomness. Random disclaimer that I don't own Fairy Tail and probably never will. Random Claimer that I do own this plot. Sorry, I wanted to squeeze the disclaimers and claimers into the warnings.

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"How the Hell does this kind of thing even happen?" Natsu Dragneel asked himself with an angry intonation. Despite the anger boiling inside of him, he still persistently continued to observe his guild mates. They all made a circle around a certain take over mage with the name Lisanna. She was like some sort of celebrity surrounded by her fans and the paparazzi.

Many things were wrong here. First of all, Lisanna should be all over _him_. She was always described as the clingy dead girlfriend but now she was clingy of Lucy. Second of all, she wasn't supposed to be buddy-buddy with Lucy. They should fighting all over _him_. Face it, seventy percent of Fairy Tail's fanfiction make the two have kitty fights over Natsu. Then there was the fact that everyone was ignoring him. It's been a year, I'm drop dead serious, since Lisanna came back and Natsu was ignore. Then he stared up to the ceiling with a serious tone as he whispered _"Has this story won the award for longest time everyone ignored someone because of Lisanna?"_

Suddenly, all of the members of team Natsu with Lisanna were in front of him. They all looked guilty or worried. Lucy rubbed the tips of he blonde locks. Lisanna played with her fingers by pushing her right index finger with her left one. Gray looked away awkwardly. Erza coughed every second. Happy few from right to left with an indecisive look in both of his eyes.

"What do you guys want?" the fire dragon slayer gave an angry glare with the same irritated tone in his voice. But then it took him time to comprehend the situation. They all looked guilty and worried. He felt a smile beam onto his angry face "Are you guys gonna apologize for being such douchebags?"

"Hell no" it was a unison with no emotion. The smile turned back into a frown because everything was upside down. Sorry, I wanted it to be the time to rhyme.

"You should read more fanfiction" Lucy muttered "In this type of story, the apologizing part comes at the end or at the middle, but this isn't the part where we do that" and she used the 'as a matter of fact' tone that she always used when she would sass him.

He raised an eyebrow at the blonde and folded his arms. He put on a smug face "Then what do we do at this part, Mrs. Heartphilia"

"He really doesn't read that much fanfiction…" Gray sighed.

"What a loser" Erza joined Gray into a sigh.

"Just tell me…" Natsu's eyes twitched in irritation.

"Natsu," Lucy began "I always have to do this part in most fanfiction so I know it like the back of my hand, this is the part where we call you weak and kick you out of Team Natsu and replace you with Lisanna the plot twist is, she's replacing you as the main character. Oh, and for your information, we're still calling it Team Natsu"

"WHY!?"

"Uhm, because the fans like that name…"

"No, not that!" he yelled louder and louder in every word "Why the Hell would you kick me, the main freaking character and replace me with that character who was brought back to life just to appear every ten billion chapters. Is that what you call main character material!?"

He heard Gray whisper loudly to Erza "Wow, talk about OOC" and Erza even replied with a "I know right"

"Who the Hell is OOC here!? God, this entire story is OOC!" Natsu continued to rampage and scream loud enough for the entire Fiore to go deaf "And I'm not weak! God, Lucy is the weakest of us all. She only uses keys! KEYS! Even I have those!"

"N-Natsu…" she was close to tears "Why are you hurting me like this? Are you that dense of my feelings?"

"Of course not! I'm going to rant for all the main characters of Shonen manga and anime! We're not blind or stupid! The love interest is practically making out with the main character and he's just like 'Friends, friends, friends, with the power of friendship!' we have brains! I can totally see how Lucy blushes at every freaking compliment! I dare the fans to take a freaking drink every time Lucy gets mushy in front of me!"

He heard Gray whisper loudly to Erza "He's ranting like a Tumblr user" and Erza even replied with a "I know right"

"Hey Stripper! If you're going to whisper… hey wait that rhymed, I mean, If your going to whisper at least make sure I don't hear it!" Natsu still continued to rampage and yell. He was at the peak of anger and he just really wanted to punch an antagonist right now.

"Is this really your choice, young one? If so let me take out your guild mark" the master appear in front of his face like magic with a saddened face.

"What?" Natsu muttered.

"Oh, you're early master" said Lucy "We haven't even done the 'Natsu is heartbroken and wants to train' part yet. You can come after that"

He sighed "I'll be back to take off his mark in a minute!" he disappeared once again.

"WHAT!?" he yelled.

"I think we should do that part now, right Lu-chan?" Lisanna said, using Levy's nickname.

"I agree" Lucy said. Then she looked at Happy, Gray and Erza for approval to start and they all nodded. Natsu just stared with anger and continued to yell protests. And it annoyed him more that they were all just smiling like this was something casual.

"I will never do that!"

"You have to, Flame Brain" Gray's face suddenly turned dark "Or he'll come"

"He? I don't care whoever comes"

Then the floor under them began to shake. The sound of thunder came crashing down and it was followed by strong rain. It was a typhoon and an earthquake at the same time.

"Oh god, he's coming!" yelled Lisanna as the roof began to break.

A cloud crashed down to the guild. A giant man sat on it with his legs crossed. He was surrounded by several women in bikinis and their boobs were bigger than their heads. Other than the beautiful women, he was surrounded by billions of yen. And the thing that scared people across the universe… his face. His face was a smirk like no other and eyes that could kill, his face was called…

…the troll face.

Everyone in the guild suddenly stopped what they were doing and looked at the god-like figure.

"Oh my God" Mira exclaimed.

"H-He's really here" said Gray his echoed throughout the guild.

"No way" Lisanna said. She began to silently sob and cover her mouth with disbelief. This earned a hug from both her elder sister and brother. They both pat her head in attempt to comfort but they too were horrified and were shaking at the sight.

"It's… It's…." Erza stammered in fear.

Lucy finished for her "It's… **_Hiro Mashima_**" her voice wavered as she was also terrified at one of the strongest Japanese men in all of AniManga.

Even Natsu was scared of him. He shivered violently as the cloud slowly drifted towards him. The man's face stayed the same and that was what scared him the most. He bit his lip and clenched his fists to try and muster all of his courage but he needed more than willpower against this man.

"KNEEL DOWN TO ME!" without any other words, every single person inside the guild fell to their knees with fear inside of all of them.

"Natsu" he said.

"Y-Yes, sir!"

"Whether you like it or not, you're going to quit the guild and train to become stronger" Hiro Mashima said. His deep voice sent shivers down Natsu's spine but he quickly stood up and yelled, which took a hell lot of courage "No! I do what I want"

"Is that so?" Mashima questioned.

"Yes"

"Then we'll have to do this… the hard way" Hiro Mashima snapped and a notebook and a pen appeared on his grasp. He then positioned to write something "Do you know what this is?"

"No…"

"It's my idea book"

'So?"

Suddenly he smirked wider and wider. His voice changed from deep and husky to a demonic voice as if he was some sort of antagonist "If you don't do as I say, _I will never make NaLu canon" _the final words echoed all over the world.

Gasps and sobs were heard around the guild. Mira fell flat on her bottom and sobbed uncontrollably. Elfman tried to keep his manliness but ended up followed the doings of his sister. Levy and Gajeel held each other between this war. Natsu just clenched his fists and cleared his thought. Lucy held onto his left arm and Lisanna held onto his right, they both sobbed and used his arms as their tissue.

"Why… you…" Natsu gritted his teeth.

Mashima's smirk was the widest every to be seen. He whispered the words but they were still loud enough…

"U Mad bro?"

Then Mashima continued to explain "If NaLu doesn't become canon because of you… Hm… how would fangirls react to that? I bet you would get a knock of your door and instantly get murdered by a horde of NaLu fans. And do you hear the crying fangirls? The ranting Tumblr users? Or maybe the fangirls shooting themselves? It will be like the Neji fans after he dies in chapter 614"

"Dude!" Jet yelled "Spoiler much!?"

"Yeah, I'm only at like… chapter five" Droy joined

"SILENCE PUNY, FOOLISH MINOR CHARACTERS!"

"Sorry sir!"

"I-I" Natsu stammered.

"Natsu!" Lucy yelled, holding onto him stronger "Please, I'm begging you! Do what's right for all of us!" she choked on her sobs and Lisanna joined her.

"Oh, I have an even better idea." Mashima mused _"I'll make sure that the ending of Fairy Tail is seven-year-old Natsu waking up from a dream…"_

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**_I softly whisper to all of my reader's ears "I'm sorry, I was bored and if I spoiled Neji then… U MAD BRO!? no just kidding, sorry about that too. I don't even think I want to finish this anymore orz do you know that orz looks really cool in italics, like wow. You know, I'm going to ask you to review but since I'm going to ask you to review, I'm going to ask you to review, so please review. Even if it's hate because the more you hate the more you hate. I think I talked too much. You win an award if you read all of that. That award is my kiss. You still want it?" then I slowly place my lips on yours "I'm so sorry… I'm like the worst author ever OTL . Wow OTL looks cool too I mean look-_**

No italics – orz, OTL  
**_Yes_**_ italics – orz, OTL_


	2. Original Title of This Chapter Was Long

**Even Though I Decided Against it, I'm Still Doing it.**

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**A/N: **I don't own Fairy Tail but I own One Piece. If you thought that I really owned One Piece then you were very wrong. I own Bleach. And by own I mean I own nothing but my laptop and underwear. Since I'm at it, I'll greet you all an advance Merry Christmas.

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Everyone stood still as they didn't know how to react at all. How would you react if one of your favorite series was just a dream. After a few seconds of everyone being petrified, ear piercing sobs and yells could heard. Most of others stared at Natsu as if their lives depended on it. Natsu felt intense stares and glares (Take a drink whenever I rhyme) and he gulped. Having the angered Fairy Tail members behind him was definitely something to be scared of. He took a deep breath to let in some air because no one could live without air . "Fine, I'll do it…" he choked out in his own fear.

"Good choice" Hiro Mashima did the slow clap and slowly rose up to the sky once again. While doing so, everyone cheered and yelled hysterically. Natsu just fell to the ground and looked at the ceiling that wasn't there anymore so he was staring at the sky. _"What the Hell did I just agree to!?" _he mentally yelled at himself before bird poop fell onto his face "OH COME ON!"

Then the master came out of the men's toilet and looked around. His guild was in tatters and his precious children were on the floor with fear in their eyes "Okay, LOL, YOLO, what did I miss?" he spoke in an urban American accent or a should I call it, a gangster accent.

Laxus face palmed "Grandpa how many times have I told you that saying those out loud isn't cool. I can't even say them out loud!" he was always one to get embarrassed because of how his grandfather gets influenced by television easily.

"Laxus, you ain't got nothing on your grandpa's SWAG"

"Someone, shoot me" said Laxus while hiding his embarrassed face with both hands.

The master ignored his grandson's complaints and just walked towards Natsu who was waiting for his mark to be taken off with a bored expression. The fact that Makarov was old and every step he made took a minute didn't help kill the bored man's boredom. Since the Master was ten steps away… you do the math. Natsu just yawned and everyone else joined him.

The master stopped walking once he was face to face with the bored boy who willingly let the old man take away his tattoo. And in a blink of an eye, the red mark of his shoulder disappeared.

"I want to see a stronger man once I come back…" Makarov did the Fairy Tail finger sign, where he only put up his index finger. Then he slowly but surely shoved it up the inside of his nose.

"Master!"

"Sorry… it was a big one…"

Natsu took his bag from the ground which is in this story because of my inability to think of anything else for him to do at this point and please don't ask where the bag is from because I don't know either "Don't worry gramps. When I come back, I'll be a ninja!" he enthusiastically said and gestured ninja signs that ninjas do "Or maybe even Hokage!"

"No sorry, that's already been taken"

"What-?" he scowled "Then I'll a pirate!"

"Taken" everyone in the guild said in perfect unison.

"A death god?"

"Taken"

"A mage?"

"Okay stick with that" the Master said and gave a wink and thumbs up. Natsu gave the master the same wink and thumbs up, leaving both of them winking and giving thumbs up to each other in the middle of the crowd while they sparkled because the sun was above them and there wasn't any ceiling, they looked like total idiots and gay vampires because real vampires don't sparkle, only gay ones do.

"Oh, but before you leave you need to find the key to the underground passage so you could use that way to exit" Makarov beamed at the confused boy.

He scratched the back of his head and arched an eyebrow up "Why?" he mumbled "You do know there's a giant door behind me and a giant hole in the ceiling that I could take" he pointed at the giant door behind him and the giant hole in the ceiling that Mashima made.

"Boy! This isn't some anime or manga where you use a door, son, this is Fairy Tail. In Fairy Tail we waste our energies looking for keys to secret passages and use those secret passages. If you want to use a door you could just go to some other anime or manga"

"The author just wanted to stretch the story didn't she" Natsu muttered.

"You've become a smart boy Natsu" Makarov beamed.

He clicked his tongue and admitted his defeat "So where's this key?" Natsu asked without taking that much interest in it "I want this over with quickly"

"It's with one of the characters"

"Which one?"

"I don't know, how should I know?"

"So you're saying I'll have to search for the character in this guild who has the key?"

"Yes, and you'll have to take Lisanna and Lucy"

"What? Why?"

The master cleared his thought "Because the author made Lisanna and Lucy as main characters in this story so she doesn't want to get in trouble, so Lucy and Lisanna need more time on this story of the holders of this site might explode and shoot everyone"

"God Damn Author…" Natsu sighed "Fine, I'll do it…"

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**I'm a transition to The Next Scene**

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Lucy put both of her hands on both of the sides of her waste "There are tons of characters in this guild, who do we even start with?" she sounded annoyed by the way her voice was ringing and her eyebrows were both furrowed in an inhuman kind of way.

"Who should go first Natsu?" Lisanna asked.

"Yeah, you are the guy here with the problem" said Lucy.

Natsu looked around him and just wanted to ask the closest person first. The three of them happened to be at the bar and if you were there, the closest person would be the barmaid and we all know who Fairy Tail's beautiful barmaid is. "Let's ask Mira."

Mira came jumped up from behind the bar "Do you want some love advice, Natsu?" she had anime hearts on her eyes and she looked excited for something and Natsu didn't know what.

"No… I just need the key, do you have it?" Natsu asked awkwardly.

"The key to Lucy's heart!?" yelled Mirajane happily "The key is within you! You just need to kiss her roughly against a wall then throw her to your bed and-"

"MIRA!" Lucy and Natsu yelled together with red faces and a laughing Lisanna behind them.

"Just tell me where the key is!" yelled the demanding dragon slayer.

"-Then Lucy would be moaning out your name, ah, I should really make an account on and make some Rated M NaLu!"

"MIRA!" Lucy and Natsu yelled together with red faces and a laughing Lisanna behind them.

"I know you both like it…"

"Why would we like people making stories of us… making… love?"

"Because seeing your OTP doing it is better than heaven" Mira began to squeal.

Lisanna took hold of both Natsu and Lucy's shoulders and shook her head as if it was a sign showing that what they're doing is useless "Mira is the matchmaker of every of every Fairy Tail fanfic. Why don't we just ask her again later?"

"Yeah…" Natsu muttered as he stared at the fangirling Mirajane.

"Why don't we ask Elfman?" Lucy pointed at the man sitting a stool away from them "He doesn't seem to have anything better to do with his life" face it, this character has nothing to do but yel. But Lucy didn't say that out loud because Elfman and Lisanna would double team her and she wouldn't stand a chance.

"Sure!" Lisanna smiled.

Even though Lucy was the one who suggested, Natsu would still be the one to ask. He didn't even know why he let himself be a slave to this two, they were supposed to be fighting to the death for him but now they're laughing at him. He whispered to himself _"Plot twists are a pain at the ass, Natsu"_

"Hey Elfman, where's the key?" he asked the man who was sitting on the barrel.

"MAN"

"What?"

"MANLY, MAN, MANLINESS, MANLY MEN, MAN, MEN, MEN, MEN!" he chanted the same words over and over again "Hey Natsu, don't you think the amount of times Hiro Mashima and fanfic authors make me say man and men make me sound a little gay"

"Of course not" Natsu smiled "It makes you sound _very_ gay"

"Well" Lucy began "Not unless Mashima makes ElfEver canon"

"Yeah" Lisanna agreed.

"Wait, back to the question! Where are the keys!?"

"I'm a man, I'm a man who doesn't know where the keys you're talking about are, I'm a man who wants to be left alone because that's manly so I'm a man ordering you to leave!"

"Okay, so it's not Elfman who has the keys…" Natsu muttered, walking away from the gigantic man as the two girls followed him to where he was walking to but he didn't quite know where he was walking to either. He just began walking and asking random characters, he even asked the most minor of characters until he had no one left to ask anymore.

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"No one in the guild has the key" Lucy explained to the master.

"We asked every character, from Gray to Max" said Lisanna.

Before the angry Natsu could yell at the master and complain, the small elder man was crying like how he was when he had to kick out Laxus from the guild. In other words, he was crying his eyes out and there was snot bursting out of his nose. Don't worry, most old men cry like this. The sudden breakdown of the master made the three panic.

"What's wrong master!?" Natsu pat the back of the crying man and he just continued to bawl his eyes out with the streaming liquid. The two worried girls whispered comforting words to the crying man, words like "It's okay" or "Don't cry"

"Y-You haven't asked every character" the master hiccupped in every word and sniffer "You haven't even asked me yet!"

"Oh, right…" Natsu gave an apologetic smile "My bad" but then he got snapped back into reality to realize something important "Wait! You had the key the entire time! You said you didn't know!"

"Natsu… I'm allowed to lie, you know"

Natsu felt like punching something again. He was tricked into walking around the entire guild, asking them if they had keys. He must've sounded like an idiot…

"Just give them to me"

"I don't have them"

"WHAT!? THEN WHO DOES"

"They don't exist"

"WHAT!?"

"There isn't even a secret passage"

"Then why-?"

"The author wanted to stretch the story…"

"YOU'VE GOTTA BE FREAKING KIDDING ME!"

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"Hey! Where the Hell is the dude who will help me train!?" Natsu was at the front entrance of the Guild. He was yelling at the random people walking by and they would whisper to each other or they would fixate glares at him, they al thought the same thing "_Why the Hell is his hair pink?"_

"Hey Blondie, I'm here" that voice instantly caught Natsu's attention. He turned his head just to see a blonde that wasn't Lucy. In front of him was Sting from Sabertooth. Natsu's jaw dropped and once Sting saw him, he did the same thing.

He pointed Natsu "You're not blonde! You're not Lucy!"

"So you're the dude I have to train with!?"

"What!? It's not Lucy! No fair, Rogue got to hang out with Lucy, but I have to stick with Natsu-san!? No way! I want the big boobies!" Sting continued to complain.

"Whatever! Let's just leave here and train!" Natsu was too annoyed by the fact that this man kept on complaining and the fact that he had to train with this man. He just walked on ahead of the blonde with his arms folded behind his head

"Wait! We need to do something before that!" Sting grabbed his shoulder and people around them began to whisper and stare because it's not everyday you see a blonde man grabbing a pink haired man's shoulder and yell that they need to do something. But, Natsu did look back at him and they both looked at each other with irritated expressions.

Sting's face softened and turned red "Since you're sorta like… Lucy's replacement… my script says I have to hug you"

"Hell no!"

"…"

"…"

"…" The people stared at the two men standing in the middle of the street who stood there with no expressions and no movements.

"Just kidding!" Natsu smiled "Give me a hug, Stingy bee!"

"Yay!"

The two gave each other kiddy hugs and smiled. Everyone around them clapped as if they were Mirajane and Rogue was watching and all he could say was "My eyes…"

"Wow!" Lector exclaimed in a jokingly way "I call it NaSti!"

"That sounds _nasty_!" Frosch joked then both laughed uncontrollably.

Rogue looked at them with narrowed eyes "That joke was so horrible that I want to shoot myself but I agree that seeing that is nasty" he looked at Natsu and Sting who had their arms secured around each other, both of them had a smile on their face like this was something they do everyday but this was definitely weird not unless you're a boy love fan/Fujoshi.

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**A/N: ****_I hope it's okay... who am I kidding, of course it's okay. Since this is the part where I reply to the reviews I'll try not to be crazy and all, I'll try to be a nice little girl._**

**KlaudiaMikazuchi- Wow you called me a genius, that's like the first time I've ever been called that by someone other than my mother (TAKE A DRINK!) but in a serious note, thanks. I'm really happy I made you smile, I feel like a… a… a clown! My dream as come true! If you want, you can join me in being a clown :3**

**Bayz Sparrow- I like how you type dog, dawg. I'm sorry for my inability to be serious orz. But thanks. I'll take the calling it crazy as a compliment. And wow you seem to like animals. You said cow and dog in one review! I salute you man or woman :D**


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